in memory of dil

its a huge wonder really. you never really notice the moment you've made a friend. is it at that point of time u introduce yourself? or maybe its the moment you two first smile. or share a joke. or start to gossip abt the other fella across the room. the exact moment where u find a friend slips past you.

yrs pass. you're sitting in your room, and you start to smile although u'r all alone. memories fill your tots. abt the first ice cream you threw at your friend's face... abt all the moments you skipped classes together just because u cant stand the food at the canteen and just had to lunch out. and you remember abt the time you cried on his/her shoulders wen sumthing bad came up at home.

and suddenly, u feel so empty... and alone.

coz u realized dat, no, u have not been in touch for so long. and something really hurts inside.

i've not given much tot abt all this. maybe im too bz. or maybe... i didnt notice it till now. one of my close friends died during the holidays. i was on my way to burger king to study with syifaa when i received the call from my blood brother. dil was my brothers age. 22.

i just sat there. not doing anything. my head went blank. there were no tears, no wailing... just this very, very, very empty painfulness i felt in my heart. i remembered the time wen my brother and him carried me wen i fell. i was 6 then. my leg got caught in this drain. we were playing catching. i was a sore loser. we all were. it was so unfair! they never let me win. but they made it a point to buy me ice cream latter.

its been weeks since he died. and it was only last night dat i sat down and cried. i guess the reality of it has never really sink in. till now.

and i realized im missing alot of my friends. those stupid minahs(i'm saying this with alot of affection ok) from ai, lan and my other brothers from my youth and the closest friend i had in yj last year... amir. ive drifted apart from all of them so much. who initiated it? wen did this drifting apart start aniway? it past by be again. the moment wen we drifted. and i hardly realized it until now... wen were acres off. do they still remember me? difficult qn to ask really.

i hope to treasure my current and future friendships. i wun make dat mistake like i did wif dil again. hopefully